The Best A Man Can Get
by SpirkTrekker42
Summary: A lonely James Norrington wins a romantic trip for two to Fiji. However, he can't decide who to take. So he interviews his most attractive friends, Will, Jack, Elizabeth, and Anamaria. Norrie's decision will not fail to disappoint! Norrie/everyone


Disclaimer: It's not mine, it's Disney's and Bruckheimer's.

A/N: Rampant OOCness abound.

The Best A Man Can Get

James Norrington, being the lonely sod he was, decided to register for a contest where the prize was a romantic free trip to Fiji. And what do you know, he won! All he had to do now was decide who he wanted to take with him on the trip. Now James had been known to swing both ways in his lifetime. You could honestly say that James was a swinger. And now he was faced with the most difficult of decisions - who would be the best person that he could ask to go with him with the untoward intentions of propositioning them?

That was when James had a brilliant beyond brilliant idea – he would hold interviews. He decided to interview his most attractive friends, Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, and Anamaria. During the interview, they were to give a reason why they would be the best person to come with him on the trip (and warm his bed). James never mentioned that last part, but it was implied. Besides, everyone knew that Norrie couldn't keep it in his pants. If the Royal Navy had an island of ill repute like the pirates had Tortuga, James Norrington would be its poster child.

The day of the interviews arrived and James decided to dress in his Navy best. He selected his finest shoes, finest uniform, and of course his finest white wig. Yeah, he looked smokin' hot. Mid-morning, James' manservant informed him that his guests had arrived.

"Send them in," Norrington said with as much authority as he could muster. As soon as the servant left, Norrie started doing his happy dance which included a lot of enthusiastic "Huzzahs" and pelvic thrusts. Then there was a knock at the parlor door. Norrington straightened up at once and prayed that they hadn't heard him.

"Come in," he called.

"Hey, long time no see, bro," exclaimed Cutler Beckett. The lord of the EITC was so short that he was about as tall as Norrington's crotch. "How you been?"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" Screamed Norrington, leaping up onto his chair like he normally would when he saw a spider. "You weren't invited! Get out of here you evil man!"

"It never hurts to try," said Beckett with a shrug before he left the room.

-~-

The next person who entered was an improvement, although not by much. However, James was very much drawn to his ass. How he'd fantasized about defacing that perfect ass! It was one of his wilder imaginations. (Norrington had a very large... imagination.)

"Ello luv," Jack greeted him, plopping down beside him on the divan. "So I 'eard about this trip you won to Fiji, and the only person you're taking is me."

"And why is that?" Norrington asked with a bored sigh. But he was faking. (Norrie really wanted to jump Jack's bones in a bad way.)

"Because I can plan romantic evenings for us," Jack explained. "I can arrange the mood music, the food, the booze-"

"Heaven forbid we forget the booze," Norrington interrupted sarcastically.

"Don't knock it – remember I knew you when you were a drunkard," Sparrow reminded him. "We could get drunk off our asses and forget all of our problems!"

"Hmm…" Norrington muttered. "That is an idea. Could you plan a party? I never got to go to many parties when I was in the navy because I was sea most of the time." Jack shrugged.

"Sure. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! 'Course I can plan a party. What kind of party do you want? A boozefest or an orgy?"

"I'll think about it and let you know," Norrington promised.

"As I was saying, there's another reason why I would be an excellent candidate to serve all of your primal needs on this trip," said Jack.

"Really?" Asked Norrington, trying not to sound too interested.

"Yes. My crew thinks that we would make a great couple. They really get off on that shit," said Jack. "I don't get it."

"Interesting," James said dryly, but his insides were dancing the conga. Pirates fantasized about him and Jack together? Well, you learn something new every day.

"I still have one more reason left," Jack continued.

"Do tell," James deadpanned.

"I'm quite excellent at sucking-" Huzzah! thought James's prick.

"Cocktail party," Norrington interrupted.

"What?" Jack frowned at him.

"I've decided that I want a cocktail party," James elaborated. "You know the ones with all the girly drinks and the finger food?" Jack stared at James like he had sprouted a tail.

"You're weird, mate." Norrington glared at him.

"Next."

~-~

Elizabeth Swann came inside the parlor, and Norrington, as always was very happy to see her.

"Elizabeth!" He cried. "How lovely to see you."

"It's good to see you too, James," said Elizabeth with a wink. "I was flattered that you'd think to invite me on a voyage like this."

"How could I not invite you!" James exclaimed before his brain kicked in. "Uh, that is, I must say, I didn't think you'd go for this sort of thing since you're engaged to Will and all," Norrington admitted.

"Well, I thought that this would be good practice for me, seeing as you're so experienced and all," she confessed. "I love Will to death, but I do need someone to compare him to on our wedding night." James spit out his bourbon that he'd been sipping on. Huzzah! Wait… double Huzzah!

"You mean you've never…"

"No, never," said Elizabeth with a bit of a smirk.

"You mean you'd want me to be your first?" James squeaked.

"Only if you want to," Elizabeth said demurely. "That's why you should take me with you to Fiji. I want to make love with a man who has a lot of experience pleasing a woman."

"Damn," Norrington said, impressed with her argument. "I'll definitely consider taking you."

"I certainly hope so," Elizabeth smirked. "I'd make it good for you, James – I'm a very fast learner." She blew James a kiss before she left. Poor Norrie had to sit down, although a part of him was still standing up. Elizabeth bloody Swann. How could he pass up that offer? Still, since they were here, he thought he might as well see Ana and Turner.

~-~

"Anamaria!" Norrington exclaimed. He was a little intimidated by her sexy pirate gear but he tried not to let on. "You look… nice."

"I look hot," she corrected him.

"That too," he admitted. "So why do you think I should take you with me?" Ana shrugged.

"I just thought it would really piss off Jack when he found out that his mortal enemy had had something that he himself hadn't."

"I like that reason," Norrington chuckled. (A huzzah was almost in order.) James really got off on besting Captain Jack Sparrow at anything. "But I must say, I'm a little wary of you in bed."

"Why's that?" Ana wondered.

"I dunno… I just have heard that you are a pretty aggressive woman," James confessed. " I wouldn't want to end up getting punched while we were in the middle of a good fuck."

"Oh, James," Ana sighed. "I wouldn't punch you. I think you have me mixed up with somebody else. I might slap you though, but only if you liked it."

"Okayyyyy," said Norrie, thinking this Ana chick was too hardcore even for him. Fucking and punching (or was it slapping?) just wasn't his style. Jack would probably like it, though. James always knew Sparrow was a sick bastard… he and AnaMaria would be a match made in heaven. He could almost picture Jack as the submissive and Ana as the dominant, but he didn't really need to think about that right now. Turner was next, and he needed to have his mind clear so that he didn't accidentally seduce him right then and there.

-~-

Finally, the last interviewee, Will Turner, was admitted to the parlor. Now, Norrie really had an inkling to reach out and touch Will as he walked through the door way sporting a leather jacket and some sexy man boots. Because, let's face it, the man was like sex on legs. But, he didn't. James didn't have much restraint but he figured he wouldn't want to scare the innocent boy away.

"Fiji, eh?" Will mused after he'd gotten comfortable on Norrington's la- ... couch.

"Yep. It could be fun," James suggested. "So Mr. Turner, why do you think you're the best person to come for, uh I mean with me?"

"I'm good with a sword," said Will with a sexy smirk. "I practice three hours a day. In fact, I think about swords all the time. In my line of work, it's impossible not to think about swords." That was the first time that James actually contemplated changing his vocation. Because what could be better than having a job that practically forced you to think about dick all day? That's right. NOTHING!

"That was a good reason, short and to the point," said Norrington. "To the point? Hah, I kill myself!" Huzzah!

"Very funny, James," Will said with a grin. "You are such a witty guy."

"I know," James said smugly. "I could have fun teaching you how to fuck."

"You'd be my first you know," Will whispered breathily. Good Lord! How was Norrington ever to choose between Elizabeth or Will? (He had a thing for virgins.)

"R-really?" Norrington stammered. "Huzzah!"

"Huzzah what?" Will asked, confused.

"Who said anything about huzzahs?" Norrington laughed nervously. Had he actually said 'huzzah' out loud? His sanity was slipping… "Turner I have to ask, what about your feelings for Elizabeth?"

"I am saving myself for Elizabeth, but I always wanted to do it with a man," Will explained. "And you're about as man as they can get!"

"Yes, well…" Norrington coughed as he basked in the compliment, "Thank you Mr. Turner. Your visit was very…"

"Stimulating?" Will supplied.

"Sure," said Norrington, sweating now. Surely Will was aware of his effect on him!

"I know you'll make the right choice, James," said Will, training his fatal puppy dog stare on Norrington before he left.

Whew, James thought after he was alone. He hadn't had a morning that fun since he indoctrinated the new royal naval recruits! How the hell was he supposed to choose between Elizabeth and Will?

But then he had an idea...

-~-

Norrington strolled downstairs. He was feeling rather good about this. James just loved pissing people off!

"I'm going to make announcement," he announced to his audience of interviewees who were waiting expectantly.

"Don't keep us in suspense, James!" Will insisted. "Who is it?"

"I have decided not to pick any of you," said Norrington with a great big goofy grin on his face. Huzzah.

"What?!" The foursome exclaimed.

"Then why the hell did you hold these interviews in the first place?" Will asked angrily.

"Yeah," Jack chimed in. "Any one of us would be better than you deciding to go alone."

"For fun?" Norrington smiled sheepishly at them. "I'm sorry everyone. Truly, I am. But I will not be going alone. I have decided to reconnect with my old navy flame, Lieutenant Andrew Gillette."

"Dammit!" That was Will.

"Bugger!" That was Jack.

Elizabeth and Ana also looked bummed, but refrained from expressing their disappointment.

"But why Gillette when you could have practically anyone else?" Jack whined. Norrington grinned.

"Didn't you know? Not only is his my friend and underling, but Gillette's the best a man can get!"

A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. You know who you are!


End file.
